If you recall, I promised to summarize a couple of books for you this summer (ha! ha! :-) ). I picked 3~one I'll just mention. If any of you are interested in a summary/selection of quotes from the Qur'an, let me know. On to book #2 (that was fast! :-))~ Outsmarting Yourself, by Dr. Karl Lehmen, a friend of my parents' I may have told some of you about before. This post will be a general summary of his premises for familiarity, then I'll proceed on to two of his points that jumped out at me: relational vs nonrelational modes and attunement.
Disclaimer: In the process of reading the book, I (naturally) understood it my own way and (also) created my own theories and understandings and relations to how I think & feel. I've done my best to separate out the actual content of the book and my theories regarding it, but I'm not sure how well I've done, and as the examples are all my own, I'm not sure how well they reflect Dr. Lehmen's intent. Just saying :-). If you really want to know about it, read the book (or the online essays here: the "Brain Science, Emotional Trauma, and the God Who is with us" series is the backbone)
First, as a general review of the book: its major flaw is its incompleteness. It makes you want to read more! :-) Which, if you're pressured for time, is certainly a problem :-). Fortunately, the important references are free online essays~ :-)
So what is it? A Christian psychology book, in a nutshell. But let me let it explain itself.
Part 1: Trauma
Trauma, as Dr Lehmen uses the term, can probably be defined as any event that causes a negative reaction (my definition, not his :-)). This of course means that trauma is part of our everyday lives. Most trauma is effectively dealt with via the "pain processing pathway," a set of 5 steps we must take to effectively - well - process difficulties. Insofar as I understand it (this was one of the less explained bits), these 5 steps boil down to three basic tasks: maintaining healthy relationships, creating and implementing a plan of coping, and explaining the meaning of the pain to yourself. For a perhaps slightly foolish example~ say you stub your toe on a heavy box someone left in the middle of the room. (You didn't notice it because you were lost in thought :-)). Effectively processing that trauma would involve (at least): 1) being angry/upset neither at someone else (for leaving the box), nor yourself (for not noticing) nor God (for predestining you to stub your toe :-)). 2) perhaps icing your toe or resting it for a minute, plus remembering the truths about the situation~no, the box was not placed there to hurt you, etc. 3) explaining to yourself that this will help you grow in patience and being slow to anger :-) and that pain is part of living in a fallen world. If we can complete this pathway, the result is growth.
Note: rarely if ever are these steps clearly delineated or even expressed in your conscious thought. They are merely the natural path your brain takes. My thought: Ever wonder why people ask 'why' when they're going through difficulties? I'd guess they're trying to fulfill step 5 (task 3), and failing.
Part 2: Triggers, Confabulations, and the VLE :-)
Remember I said "Most trauma is effectively dealt with via the "pain processing pathway,"" above? What happens otherwise? Then the 'toxic content' (Dr Lehmen's phrasing), all the negative emotions wrapped up in the event, are stored inside the memory. This does not necessarily mean that when you revisit that memory you will feel the emotion associated with it. You may, you may not. However, it does mean that when you encounter another situation that reminds your memory of that previous situation, it will "trigger" forward the old memory, with all of its baggage, and here's the kicker - it does so invisibly.* This is essential: we (almost?) never realize that some of the negative emotion we feel in response to difficulties in our lives is based not in our current circumstance, but in our memories.** Why? That takes us to our Confabulation and VLE :-) (By the way, as you have probably guessed, most experiences that are stored with toxic content are more traumatic trauma than a simple toe-stub, that was simply a quick concrete example that I could easily think of, and a demonstration of common trauma. Nevertheless, repeated trauma of the same type, even insignificant, can become significant over time, it seems)
The VLE (Verbal Logical Explainer, Dr Lehman's construct) is the system that "comes up with explanations that help us organize and make sense out of our experiences and the world around us - perfectly useful and normal, as long as the VLE begins with accurate data and assumptions, which it does most of the time. However, when one of our circumstances 'brings up an association with an earlier memory of' (triggers) unresolved trauma, our VLEs blend the emotions from the two circumstances, explaining to us that all of our pain is rooted in the present. (Confabulation is just a fun word for the explanations - almost stories - the VLE puts together to convince us that all our emotions are valid based only in the immediately visible circumstance. These are completely unconscious) And whatever holes the VLE can't fill, our own desire for personal justification generally take care of the rest, leaving us to believe that all of the compounded response is actually a natural justifiable response to the present circumstance - and, most often, to the present annoyance by a certain person :-).
*I would be inclined to believe this system was originally set up by God as a help to us, so that when we encounter difficult circumstances, perhaps the brain was trained to 'trigger' forward our old memories of resolved pain in order to give us additional resources to confront our new challenges. Unfortunately, if that is the case, the devil must have twisted it as he twists all he can...
**Having trouble with the idea that we can 'remember'/reexperience past events and emotions without conscious knowledge? Ever ridden a bike? "Muscle memory" is one category of what Dr Lehman calls "invisible implicit memory" (one of the nice things about the book: the names of things are really descriptive, so it is fairly easy to remember what they signify! :-))
Part 3: Immanuel
So (almost?) whenever we're hurt or angry, our brains are stirring up connections to anger and pain in the past, making our chances of successfully processing the current trauma less than how they began (often small), and this whole process is unconscious and therefore uncontrollable - so what now? Why do we even bother learning about this?
Because there is hope, that's why :-)
Because God is a God of hope, that is all the more why :-)
There is hope for these 'triggers.' God gives us a means, through memory, of resolving our past traumas. We can, insofar as the pain processing pathway is concerned, go back and 'redo' our experience, minimizing or eliminating the toxic content from that experience. All we have to do is ask. Ask, and experience the God who is with us (Immanuel). Here are some steps, outlining the basic method Dr Lehman has found useful.
1) Establish an intimate, thankful, deliberate, felt connection with the Lord (ask Him for this too! And to that end, meditate on specific acts of His goodness toward you. Claim the promises that He is always with you.).
2) Ask Him to reveal to you a traumatic memory that needs resolution. (This may be specific: "Jesus, was there a trigger that exacerbated my response to such-and-such just now?" or general: "Are there any traumas You would like to address today?")
3) He will make His presence and/or plan in that circumstance plain to you, healing the lingering hurt so it can no longer be 'triggered.'
4) Thank Him! :-)
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